Undoing Education
Let's face it. We're undone by each other. And if we're not, we're missing something... One does not always stay intact. It may be that one wants to, or does, but it may also be that despite one's best efforts, one is undone, in the face of the other[.]
Judith Butler, Undoing Gender.
Butler has come to save me, as she always does, when I am in trouble. She speak of ourselves being undone, to be made unwhole, so as to find again the semblance of purpose to our lives. The "I" is always dismembered by grief, by depression, by dispossession (of rights?), and by the hegemonic flow of power. To call oneself whole is oxymoronic; the self is always undone by itself and others.
I am ecstatic. It may seem ridiculous to be happy at such a time, in such a milieu of legal trouble, intellectual rights, ethics of privacy, and morals of knowledge. But I am ecstatic by undoing and being undone by education. As Butler explains, "To be ec-static means, literally, to be outside oneself, and this can have several meanings: to be transported beyond oneself by a passion, but also to be beside oneself with rage or grief (2004, p. 20)." The ecstacy of being a teacher is always complicated by the corporeal bodies of knowledge that ruptures the ideological certainty of any learner. Ecstacy occurs only at the point of being undone; of being taken out to the shooting range with a gun to our heads. At such a time and circumstance, the question of identity explodes beyond the boundaries of comfort. It is in such a place and time of being undone that we are angry, manic, uncertain, and ecstatic.
Do I wish again for such an experience? Do I wish again for a student to find me, mangle me, and undo me from the system? Perhaps. There is never certainty in learning. It is part of the perks of being a teacher.
At any moment, the one thing in which we fear most will come hauting us, will be beside us, asking for recognition and demanding attention. Look at your malin genie and be ec-static. It is the best you can do. And when you are finally undone by your passion to education and by your grief and anger at education, then we will suture again the ruptures of identity. You and I will learn to be a teacher again.
I am ecstatic. It may seem ridiculous to be happy at such a time, in such a milieu of legal trouble, intellectual rights, ethics of privacy, and morals of knowledge. But I am ecstatic by undoing and being undone by education. As Butler explains, "To be ec-static means, literally, to be outside oneself, and this can have several meanings: to be transported beyond oneself by a passion, but also to be beside oneself with rage or grief (2004, p. 20)." The ecstacy of being a teacher is always complicated by the corporeal bodies of knowledge that ruptures the ideological certainty of any learner. Ecstacy occurs only at the point of being undone; of being taken out to the shooting range with a gun to our heads. At such a time and circumstance, the question of identity explodes beyond the boundaries of comfort. It is in such a place and time of being undone that we are angry, manic, uncertain, and ecstatic.
Do I wish again for such an experience? Do I wish again for a student to find me, mangle me, and undo me from the system? Perhaps. There is never certainty in learning. It is part of the perks of being a teacher.
At any moment, the one thing in which we fear most will come hauting us, will be beside us, asking for recognition and demanding attention. Look at your malin genie and be ec-static. It is the best you can do. And when you are finally undone by your passion to education and by your grief and anger at education, then we will suture again the ruptures of identity. You and I will learn to be a teacher again.
posted by Insouciantfemme at 1:44 am
3 Comments:
Ahh Insouci, Butler has likewise saved me. To be undone, to be undermined, to be misunderstood is, as you identify, such a powerful pedagogy for new learning.
I have always held onto Nietzsche's "You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star." when I am most undone. To see extraordinary challenge, teetering on the abyss, as opportunity in the circumstances that conspire to dismember you is a mark of your resilience Insouci.
I so admire your insight, your reflection, your honesty. Just know that you are, and will continue to be, all that represents the best of what it means to be "a teacher", and that you will continue to be "a dancing star" in the landscapes of learning.
Thank you Arti. The extent of my gratitute cannot be encompassed by words. Thank you. As you admire my resilience, I admire your scholarly prowess. How you write so often and with so much verve is beyond my comprehension. You always give me motivation to continue... always to be beside the vast, chaotic epistemologies. Again, I thank you.
I.F.
i dunno what to say. but i'm just posting to let u know i was here and read ur stuff. all the best!
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