Security Announcement

Welcome to the Singapore Mass Transit Railway Station. This is a security announcement and...

Fuck this shit! Aight! I'm gonna give it to y'all real now. I ain't gonna beat around the fucking bush rite? So here's the thang... Don't put your shit in the train y'all! That's rite! I'm talkin bout your bags and briefcases and those damn handbags of y'all bitches out there. Ya take your shit in here, ya take it out wif ya. Aight?

Ahem! What my colleague here means is that you should be aware that leaving unattended belongings in the train station might jeopardise security...

What do you mean "what my colleague here means?" I know what I'm meaning! Cause it's simple y'all. Who knows what you mother fuckers put in that thang? Y'all terrorists bitches and hoes goin round bombing asses and all. What's wrong wit'you?! You ain't got nothin better to do wit'your time? Go play ping-pong or some'thin! Why you gotta go all pyromaniac on my ass? Like I said, take your shit somewhere else!

Please take your belongings with you when you leave the train... thank you.

"Thank you" my ass! There ain't not'in to thank. I'm tellin you to OBEY the law, that's what I'm tellin you. Wha'you looking at bitch? You pay'in attention?! Don't think I ain't got my eyes on your fake tits and botoxed face! This is Singapore bitch. I got my eyes ALL OVER your ass! And while I'm at it... You see that yellow sign on the side. It says "Please give your seat to someone who needs it". That means y'all brothers and sisters out there who don't look like your great-grandmomma can stand! Didn't i just tell you not to look at me bitch? Wha'you looking at? Pay attention!

It would be kind and courteous to give your seat to someone who needs it more than you do.

And who do you think you are? Hmm?! Y'all need some dees...sip... lind! I'm gonna fine your mother fucking ass the next time you step over that yellow line! You suicidal or some'thin? Who gonna clean up your shit after your intestines get all over the railway track? You stoopid? Damn brother!

Also... it would dangerous to step over the yellow line, which was placed there to protect you from injury of any kind. Please be aware...

Why you all nice to'em?! Woop 'em assses that's what I say! Don't be all "please" and "thank you" to these mother fuckers! They ain't gonna listen! Aight... I made myself pretty... What?! Do it again hutchie momma! Do it again! I saw that! I saw you take that shit outta your mouth and sticked it on the wall. Didn't you hear a thang I said?! I got my EYES ON YOUR DIM-SUMs! Damn! Chewing gum is ILLEGAL! That's rite! You take that bitch ass chewing gum of yours and you stick it up where the sun don't shine!

It is illegal to chew gum in Singapore. It can also carry a fine of up to 500 dollars should you disobey the law. It would be prudent at this moment to keep the chewing gum in your pocket until it is convenient for you to throw into a dustbin.

Put it back in your mouth bitch! Damn! I'm get'in all worked-up! Now... one more thang before I hit my jacuzzi. If the door is closin it means that you ain't suppose to get in or get out of the train. Simple rite? So that means that if it's rush hour, don't put your body in the middle of the doorway and hope you'd make it through you crazy mother fuckers! Who gonna pull you out of the door if you get stuck? We'all people got lives man! We gotta go home and feed the hamster and pet the kids; we'all gotta go loosen up some booty and holler at our partners. Who gonna have time to pull your ass outta the door?! So don't be stoopid aight? Take your crazy ass shit somewhere else and leave us law abiding citizens alone!

Er... hehehe... new comer. Er... thank you for paying attention ladies and gentlemen. If you require further explanation, please do not hesitate to contact our personnels at the information counter. Have a nice day - er... thank you, again.